Monday, July 4, 2011

Not really a crafty post, just a post on my thoughts and feelings

On Friday my 6-year-old flew on a plane from Utah to Washington all by himself to visit his dad. It has been a huge thing for me to have him suddenly gone from my every day life. Although he will return in just a few shorts weeks, already I feel a void from his absence. Change bothers me, as I am sure it does most of us at some point or another in life. Why do we resist change? Is it the unknown? The pain we must encounter occasionally when change occurs? The loss we may feel at times? I have felt for quite some time now that I needed to write a post about change. Life is full of changes. In fact, the only one thing that we can count on in life is change. It is inevitable. It is happening constantly in our lives, in our bodies, and in our minds. We are forever growing and transforming into something new all the time. So why is change so hard for us to grasp at times?
Lately it seems my life has completely changed into something far different than I ever imagined. Sometimes it seems that I can't get ahead, and other times it seems like everything is as it should be. I feel a great deal of ambivalence about which direction I should take my life. All of a sudden I am bothered by things, I find myself feeling very emotional about situations that I am not involved in, and I feel like life is so precious that I could lose my loved ones at any moment. I don't like those feelings of uncertainty. I don't really like the unknown. Although life is full of unknowns, so I am trying desperately to embrace my life as it is right now and not worry so much about the uncontrollable future.
Don't get me wrong, I am not an unhappy person. I love my life, and the people in it. I feel a great deal of strength from my family, friends, coworkers, and even strangers. I know life is changing for the better, it is just a matter of learning how to make sense of the changes, and how to build myself up to be the best person I can.
I feel badly that I put my religion on the back burner for so long. It wasn't intentional, it's just that work and life seemed to take precedence over it. I love my religion, and I know that it is the true church, so I am trying with all I have to become active again. I really want all the blessings that are promised to us in the scriptures. For those of you who are curious, I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Go here for more information about what we believe. During the April 2011 General Conference, there was a talk that really struck me. It was by Elder Paul V. Johnson. His talk was all about trials and how they strengthen us. He said, "Trials are not just to test us. They are vitally important to the process of putting on the divine nature." He calls our trials vitally important. In the scriptures, some of the darkest most painful trials are immediately followed by the grandest of blessings. I wholeheartedly believe this. Although it doesn't make our trials at the time any easier to bear, it at least gives us strength to keep going.
Sometimes our most distressing trials can change us forever in the grandest of ways. Ways we can not even fathom at that time of our life. It can be days, weeks, months, or even years before the trial of our faith is over. But if we persevere, our blessing will have the most magnificent of rewards.
At times our journey will be painful. But the only way to see the view from the top is to make the climb. I am consistently amazed how Heavenly Father’s plan for me is far better than the plan I had for myself. Life’s little detours, though sometimes painful, have always led me to higher ground. It is so much easier to see the big picture from higher up. From up high, we can see how what seemed like winding trails lined with burrs and thistles, were really the most direct path to our ultimate destination. We realize that our muscles are toughened from the vigorous climb, and our hearts strengthened in endurance. Most of all, I do not believe we could appreciate the beauty of the view should we not have struggled to arrive there. I am certain that the things we prize most are the ones we worked hardest for.
THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE IN WHAT WE LONG FOR, WHAT WE SETTLE FOR, AND WHAT WE ARE MEANT FOR. I believe that I am destined to do great things in life, and I will settle for nothing less than all the great things I deserve in life, regardless of any trials and setbacks I will undoubtedly encounter on this journey.